Sometimes, we are so turned on, so turned up, so tuned in that our bodies are not our own. We want be one with another (or, a good vibrator). The need to have sex – but mostly to get off – is primal, and occasionally a quickie is just what the hormones ordered.
But please, People – let us not forget the supreme importance of foreplay! In this world of round-the-clock, accessible porn, hypersexualized advertising and a shameful lack of universal, comprehensive school-based sex education, what are we left with? A whole bunch of a. misinformation b. misguidedness and c. visual representation that depicts scenarios that seem way out of touch with reality.
I’m not knocking ALL porn. But most of it completely disposes of any hint of foreplay. Just what counts as foreplay? According to Scarlateen, an educational sex website, “Often, when people talk about foreplay, they’re talking about petting, dry sex, mutual masturbation, fingering, handjobs or oral sex – things that can also be called outercourse”.
Who is foreplay for, exactly? Well, let’s consider individuals who have vaginas. Most of them – 70%, in fact, cannot have an orgasm simply from penetration. They more often require clitoral and other body part stimulation. And also consider that many people (women and men alike!) physiologically answer to what’s called responsive desire (as opposed to spontaneous desire). This means that they need some sort of stimuli to warm them up to the idea of sex. It could be lots of things (and that’s another blog for another day) but foreplay is one of our top recommendations. First and foremost, it slows things down which can be outrageously sexy. Stroking, teasing, kissing, licking, sucking, whispering, touching, massaging – is this not the hottest grouping of verbs you’ve ever read? Just imagine how it can start someone’s engine.
Foreplay also forges connection – it’s where we can really become acquainted with another person in a whole new way both physically and emotionally. It affords opportunities to try new things – and it can truly take sex to a whole new level.
Are you interested in incorporating foreplay into your sex life? Here are a few excellent resources to help increase your sexual satisfaction and our Planning is Sexy blog provides more ideas to up your foreplay game.
If you’re looking for additional resources or assistance with your sexual health, contact us for more information. We’re here to help.
